Everything's Falling Apart!

FROM WHERE I SIT             Falling Apart!               August 1, 2012 pat  spilseth

Everything around me is falling apart!  Seems it all comes at once.  My dear little Buddy, our loveable family Beagle, has had his third cortisone shot and is on two pain pills, but he continues to hunch his back and cry with pain.  If Dave or I could sit all day giving Buddy back rubs, crooning pet phrases of comfort, Buddy might find solace.  We thank all of you who have responded to my columns with sympathetic notes and hopes for Buddy’s recovery. However, not only Buddy is breaking down.  This weekend my oven of 15 years stopped heating, and my cheesecake fell.  I was expecting company for dinner.  When Dave suggested baking the cake on the grill outside, the pan slid forward and the cheesecake fell apart, coating the grill’s burners with sugar, eggs and cream cheese.  We soaked the grill with buckets of water; eventually  we were able to grill yummy, marinated chicken.  We had an ice cream dessert Then my dryer went on the fritz!  The pilot light continued to burn, but the machine wouldn't tumble, tossing and drying the hundreds of towels I wash and dry weekly.  I’m washerwoman for our son Andy's Tidyboat business.  Business is booming this hot, humid summer: everyone wants a clean boat to cool off in on weekends at the lake.  Meanwhile, my laundry room is filled with wet, sopping towels. We own a handsome white Audi, our newest car (of 1999 vintage) which “Fast Eddie”, our NY brother-in-law sold to us.  Lately, its lights are flashing red on the dashboard and there’s a chugging sound in the rear.  Something or maybe MANY THINGS are falling apart.  We limped the car to our favorite mechanic Mr. Love, where it is still waiting for a "used" part.   Buy American!  These foreign car parts are expensive!  We thought we had learned our lesson when Eddie sold us a Saab, which a deer crashed into.  When we brought it in for repairs to the Saab dealer, the mechanics came out to give a diagnosis in white coats.  We thought they might be doctors.  Nope, but they doctored our Saab at unaffordable prices.   Since the weather is so hot and our sprinkler system irrigates the fast-griwubg lawn, Dave has to mow more often.  When he tried to pull the cord on our "used" mower (which we purchased on Craigslist at a very good price), it wouldn't start.  It didn't matter how often he pulled or how long he waited between pulls, it wouldn't start.  Presently, he's surfing Craigslist on the internet, for a new mower.  We’re rapidly going through cash this month.  Now the sprinkler system’s timer just busted!  Uffda!  Rain, please start watering our lawn and fill up the lake! We own a rental house near the university where Andy went to school.  He was a terrific house father to his buddies, but we’ve had fewer calls from irate neighbors and police reports since we've been renting to girls.  With the females present, we no longer have to replace busted doors, windows, and holes in the walls, but after three years of girls, the dishwasher decided to quit.   Dave is on Craigslist almost daily.  We checked out three models, finally finding a good-looking "used" stainless steel, quiet machine for a good price.  Actually, it looked so good we decided to "gift" our household dishwasher to the rental house and install the good-looking machine in our kitchen, where it's presently working just fine…and it's quite quiet. Could most of these breakdowns be occurring because we buy "USED" merchandise at good prices?  Personally, I love my Assistance League Thrift Shop sweats, T-shirts and jeans, which are not stiff; they’re broken in comfortably by its first owner.  But we'll think a lot longer before buying another foreign car, even if its mileage is said to be under 100,000 miles.  I don’t think owners can turn back those miles any more, can they?  As of today, we own 4 cars with a total of 537,985 miles on them.  I’m hopeful my sporty convertible, a silver Miata with a red racing stripe, will still be running when it hits 200,000 miles. At this point, many of you readers have probably come to the conclusion that my husband does not believe in buying new.  I haven’t had a new car since I was single over 30 years ago!   My hubby depicts himself as a conservative, in politics as well as his spending habits.  Some might say he’s frugal, perhaps even cheap at times.  A subscriber to The Tightwad Gazette, Dave’s a pro at buying “used” things cheap.  Neighbors, PLEASE, when he appears at your garage sales, send him home! Fast Eddie will continue to be our personal car salesman with the best "used" car deals. Though Craigslist may offer the best buys for lawn mowers, dishwashers, dryers and washers, I must say, when it comes to Buddy, the Beagle we love so totally, we’ll always take Dr. Roshar’s advice for meds and treatment.  When Dave had back pain, we learned that pinched nerves and bulging discs don't repair themselves quickly.  Meanwhile, we'll sit and talk to Buddy, petting him and giving him meds and back rubs.  879 words

NEW writing class "Tell Me A Story" in Wayzata

WRITERS’ CIRCLE “TELL ME A STORY”

“Once Upon A Time...  Stories help us understand problems, empathize with others and develop strategies for tackling life.  Stories are where the troubles of human existence get worked out. Stories communicate social values that the community lives by. 

Our memories become a cumulative story:  Storytelling minds are factories churning out true stories when possible, manufacturing embellished truths when it can’t.  Stories make us human.

Join my fun, four week writing class, “TELL ME A STORY”.  This class will push you out of mud holes you get stuck in, and you’ll be joined by amiable writing companions.  Let me provide weekly prompts, motivating you to write short stories which can be compiled into a memoir or chapbook.  The class will offer optional assignments, deadlines, and critiques promoting polished drafts ready for publication. Publication opportunities will be provided. 

This class is a workshop for writers who want to “move on” with their writing.  Don’t be “stuck” any more!   Get rid of flat, dull characters, listless plots, and easy to anticipate outcomes.  Dump melodramatic, unrealistic actions and scenes.  Turn on to dialogue that “nails” the character.  Word choice and sentence construction will be emphasized.  In a playful, risk-free way, we’ll be using objects, music, memories, art, nature, and food to expand our senses

Pat Spilseth, weekly columnist & published writer, offers a new writing class:

“TELL ME A STORY” is open to those who wish to tell their stories

Class meets September 5, 12, 19, & Oct.3

Class will meet at 3233 Casco Circle, Wayzata, 6-9PM

We’ll share a light, potluck meal, ideas & writing in Pat’s home.

Cost $95.00 payable to Pat Spilseth, 3233 Casco Circle, Wayzata, MN 55391

RSVP to participate in class by Sept. 1, 2012.

**Warm up with a walk in the woods, watch the lake from a dock or the clouds from your lawn chair.  Play with images.  Look for objects in the woods or in the house that attract you.  Enjoy writing your observations for five minutes.. 

Dreaming of COOLNESS

Driving around the lake yesterday I saw a few tree leaves with tinges of red.  Is fall coming or are they distressed trees proclaiming their protests to this hot, humid weather? 

Friends tell me, “I’m looking forward to Thanksgiving.  I can’t wait for the snow to fly.  At least I can put more clothes on.” 

There is a limit to how much clothing one can shed.  A neighbor, living behind stockade fences, gardens, and pine trees, enjoys watering her plants in her underwear.  but how many of us have foliage to shelter our almost-naked bodies from unexpected visitors?  Dave was out in the neighborhood campaigning for his political favorites when he entered the neighbor’s sanctuary.  His eyes spotted a seemingly nude figure watering her plants: he did an about face and ran.  That would have been an embarrassing encounter for both parties.  I doubt he would have gained her political support.

Even my brain is sluggish along with my lethargic body.  No matter how much ice water I consume, or how often I dive into the lake, I can’t get my groove back; I have no energy.  The lake feels like bath water, but if I dunk my head under the water numerous times and remain in my wet swim suit, life feels better.

Dreaming, I’m planning my Thanksgiving table with a big, fat turkey and all the trimmings.  I’ll serve Mom’s delectable cranberry cake with the butter-rum frosting oozing over each piece.  The Thanksgiving platter, chips and all, will be placed in the center of the table which will be covered with the once-a-year cloth purchased in Provence, France.  We’ll invite scads of guests to enjoy the feast and play games afterwards.  Buddy will attempt to catch any tidbits falling from our plates.  All will have stuffed tummies and enjoy a nap following the meal.

Sweaters and corduroys, wool skirts and thick socks, skates and cross-country skis fill my dreams.   Cooling off improves my moods and my body feels better simply dreaming of cold nights and flannel PJ’s.  Christmas music will flood the house and I’ll start planning my Christmas tree trimmings.

As the torrid sun beats through my windows, I can feel my body sweating.  It’s back to reality.  It’s 92 degrees outside.  The lake is not filled with swimmers and boaters.  It’s too hot and humid.  When will summer come to an end and we can enjoy the coolness of fall breezes and wool clothing?